The Album of Christmases Past

by Once in a Moon

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Just bundling some Christmas songs together.


released December 19, 2010

Unless otherwise noted, all words, music and recording by Robert Wells.




Once in a Moon UK

Robert Wells is a dabbler and a potterer residing in South London. This started as a challenge to write a new song every month (hence the name). He is also an actor, artist, technician and librarian.

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Track Name: Advent(ure)
With twenty four to Christmas I opened window one
Little could I have guessed the journey I'd begun
The plethora of printed gifts this advent brought to me
A one-a-day of wonder, a festive one-two-three...

A snowman waving merrily, a carrot for his nose
A penguin in the snow who's frozen right down to his toes
A little bit of holly, two leaves to call a sprig
A single unique snowflake, but blown up really big

A sock hung from a bended nail awaiting Santa time
A pair of golden ding dong bells aching for to chime
A giant sack of presents wrapped and ready for the sleigh
A rum soaked, fun soaked Christmas pud ready to flambe

A classic yanky candy cane circled with a bow
Santa popping up from leaving presents down below
A reindeer's nose a-poking round to see what he can see
A cracker having cracked away, oh save the hat for me

A happy looking reindeer's head and standing next to that
A cuddly little teddy bear who's stolen Santa's hat
Then present one and present two and coming very quick
A cheeky mouse who's carrying a lantern on a stick

A wreath of green to hang upon the door into my home
The ice house of an innuit, a tube stuck to a dome
A snowman swiftly sledding down, let's hope that he can stop
A fresh fir tree all tinsel wrapped, a star right at the top

Now someone's put the Christmas cake upon the sled to ride
A pair of not-quite-empty boots, a robin hides inside
A pair of mismatched candles that will light you to your door
A yule log crowned with holly, and that makes twenty four

And then the greatest bounty that a calender can bring
Sod the lords a-leaping and your umpteen golden rings
There's a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate
And a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate
And a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate
And a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate
And a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate
And a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate and a chocolate
And we're there!
Merry Christmas!
Track Name: Humbuggery
I've been feeling pretty blue, so much shopping left to do
With cards to write and presents still to wrap
This endless festive stress always leaves me in a
Frankly, Christmas always leaves me feeling...rubbish

I think I'll give Christmas a miss
I'll submit to my cowardice
If I lie in my bed, if I bury my head
If I tell all my friends I'm in Bali instead
I'll pretend that I'm not really here
And I won't let them interfere
Mates will appear bearing seasonal cheer
But I'm skipping Christmas this year

It's not that I'm lonely, It's not that I'm sad
It's not that the singing has driven me mad
It's not that I'm poor and it's not that I'm cheap
It's just that I'd rather still be asleep

I'm sick of enforcement of holiday fun
It just makes me want to reach for my gun
I'm sick of the sherry, I'm sick of cranberries
I'm sick of the one week that people say merry
And as for the turkey I'm sick to the teeth
Of black on the outside and raw underneath
And I simply abhor the Christmas decor
But a noise from outside made me open my door

And I could see snow falling by the streetlights
And though it looked yellow I knew it was white
And all was well and all was just right
And I heard the choir swell as they sang

Silent Night, Holy Night

And I realised that I was being an idiot. There are loads of great things about Christmas. It's the one time of the year when you get to eat as much as you like, and drink as much as you like, when you truly have nothing you're supposed to be doing except eating as much as you like, and drinking as much as you like. There's mistletoe and if I lost the mistletoe I'll miss being kissed

So I'm loving this Christmas time
I'll bring the pies and the wine
I find it quite shocking that this boy was blocking
The idea of hanging for Santa a stocking
I won't be a Grinch and I won't be a Scrooge
And the bird that I cook for my folks will be huge
So bring on the beer and the yuletide cheer
‘Cause I'm loving Christmas this year
Track Name: The Songsheet Song
This is the songsheet song
Everybody sing along
Feels so good it can't be wrong
Ring the bells out Ding Dong
Track Name: Fifty Ways to Leave the Party
On a rainy Thursday evening when you’ve worked all through the day
And all you’re looking forward to is home and takeaway
Your boss has said tonight’s the night for letting your hair down
And now you are expected to join a night out on the town
But who wants to go to the office Christmas party?
Where everyone dresses up and pretends to be tarty
I’d rather take up extreme naturist karate
There must be 50 ways to leave the party
You could tell them you need to go to see some relation
You need to be home to feed your lonely Dalmatian
Your ears are allergic to strong vibration
Say that there is no way to get transportation
You could say you’ve booked a flight to a far off location
Party animal isn’t part of your occupation
Claim diarrhoea or maybe constipation
Or even the effects of a surprise amputation
Say you’re not done with rehabilitation
Mandatory Christmas is racial discrimination
You shouldn’t be out after hours for their preservation
Due to your problem with public defecation
You need to finish a tricky incantation
The press could interfere with your ordination
You’ll instead donate your drinks to an African nation
You’re busy finding slaves for your granddad’s plantation
Your wife said if you were late it would be castration
You’re currently enjoying voluntary starvation
Say your legs are covered with an insect infestation
Provide them with the necessary documentation
Say you disagree with the venue’s elevation
Or that you’ve heard the whole place needs a thorough fumigation
You need to get to hospital in time for your sedation
Go into a trance of extreme yogic meditation
Be discovered in the throes of auto erotic asphyxiation
Tell them that your babysitter’s given cancellation
Worry about the levels of polonium radiation
Let slip of some fiendish fictitious deviation
Tell them that you lack the necessary qualification
Ask them if they’ve considered every possible ramification
Parties tend to bring about your unwelcome lactation
Hide inside the ducts they use for office ventilation
You must be at home to help in natural procreation
Accidentally misconstrue the party location
You must cause the seasonal tintinnabulation
Fake a news report of nuclear annihilation
Tell them you’ll be there but only as misinformation
Denounce alcohol as being an abomination
Dress in black and claim you’ve an important assassination
If all else fails consider maybe Swedish emigration
Turn your face bright blue by refusing exhalation
When the clock strikes five perform self defenestration
You’ve lovefilmed every doctor who with a regeneration
Punch your boss quite hard in your obvious vexation
Let’s face it you can’t take the utter humiliation
As everybody knows you suffer excessive perspiration
Would you like to see my power point presentation
Containing more ideas for just this situation?
And if you’re sitting there still in utter desperation
Come up with something better from your imagination
Tell them the most elaborate explanation
Anything to distract from the coming detonation
Fifty on one rhyme leaves me thinking I’m a smarty
Oh who wants to go to the office Christmas party