My Slightly Grubby Heart

by Once in a Moon

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My submission for RPM 2017 is a series of demo recordings for the fictional band Thundersnow and the Ninjas of Awesome


released December 31, 2017

Everything: Robert Wells
Composer for The Only Couple In The Funfair and The Flea National Anthem: Martin White
Lyricist for The Only Couple In The Funfair: Stephen O'Hagan
Lyricist for The Flea National Anthem: Reggie Chamberlain-King
Lyrics and Vocals for Why is Brunel Brunel?: Riddley




Once in a Moon UK

Robert Wells is a dabbler and a potterer residing in South London. This started as a challenge to write a new song every month (hence the name). He is also an actor, artist, technician and librarian.

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Track Name: Don't Trust That Bastard Theatre
Don’t trust that bastard theatre
He’ll take away your heart
He’ll feed your childish cravings
Then stop everything you start
They’ll laugh and they’ll applaud
Then they’ll leave and they’ll forget
Don’t trust that bastard theatre
Cause he’ll make you pay your debt

Don’t trust that bastard theatre
He’ll burn away your skin
A lifetime smeared in greasepaint
Hiding what’s within
Tearing at your temples
Nails in your palm
Don’t trust that bastard theatre
Or else never more be calm

Don’t trust that bastard theatre
He’ll take away your mind
Each pinnacle's exquisite
But each pit will be well mined
He’ll take each thought you spare him
He’ll leave nothing there but strife
Don’t trust that bastard theatre
Cause he’ll take away your life

Don’t trust that bastard theatre
He’ll take away your soul
He’ll fill you full of sugar
But he’ll leave an aching hole
He’ll make you question everything
You ever knew was true
Don’t trust that bastard theatre
He’ll just leave you feeling blue

Don’t trust that bastard theatre
He’ll take what time you’ve got
Up at dawn with coffee
3am for your last shot
You won’t see friends or family
You’re in your bed alone
Don’t trust that bastard theatre
Will be carved on my tombstone
Track Name: If You Want To
If you want to call me Robbikins
Well you can call me Robbikins
I'll answer to your Robbikins
Just never call me Dave

If you want to call me Snookums
Or sweetheart or baby
I'll answer to anything
Just never call me Dave
Track Name: The Only Couple In The Funfair
You pass through the night sky without a care
I careen round the carousels
'Cause we're the only couple in the funfair
And we've all the rides to ourselves

We will face the hall of mirrors and when we're done there
I'll ring the 'Test of Strength' bell if I can
We're the only couple in the funfair
And one of us, I think, is your man

We can huddle together and weather the storm
As thunder rolls under the noise of the machinery
But at fairgrounds things move to the foreground
And what once was is just a dream for me

I watch you on the whirling waltzer yonder
As my stalled ferris wheel chair's roughly blown
We're the only people in the funfair
And I've never felt so alone
Track Name: The Flea National Anthem
O nation divine
O land we adore
Your foliage brown and shiny
Your soft pink earth is spiny
And blood flows freely at your core

This land is so big
And we are so small
But in your warmth we've flourished
And by your flesh we're nourished
You are the pupa of us all

To that great flag we will salute
Your enemies we'll flay and flog
No more a nation underfoot
But one nation on a dog
One nation on a dog
One nation on a dog
Track Name: Bob Slayer
Bob Slayer, Bob Slayer, mad as a badger, always drunk
Bob Slayer, Bob Slayer, sly as a fox, built like a hunk
Bob Slayer, Bob Slayer, always on hand with a cheeky grin
Bob Slayer, Bob Slayer, broke his neck in a wheelie bin

He once rode horses up and down and sometimes round and round
But then he tasted mash, the effect was quite profound
Took to the road as the manager of a band of some renown
Inside a double decker bus is where he can be found

Bob Slayer, Bob Slayer, could have stepped straight out of Spinal Tap
Bob Slayer, Bob Slayer, you can spot him by his driver's cap
Bob Slayer, Bob Slayer, give him a hand and a big beer oh
Bob Slayer, Bob Slayer, Bludabus Bob is my hero
Track Name: Brunel's Big Plan
In the 19th century, looking to the stars
You may have seen a light shining down from Mars
The aliens beamed down looked like human types
Except for the elongated brains they hid beneath stovepipes

They ushered in a new age of coal and iron and steam
A new utopia we cried, it was not all as it seemed
The rails they laid, mycelium roots
Feeding on the blood and sweat of men in sturdy boots

The virus of speed spread to wherever trains were found
It was Brunel's big plan to take us all down
The resistance hid out in the country
But there was one more way to be safe from IKB...
Track Name: Be Afraid
Be afraid or be a train driver
Terrified or riding the footplate
Why not consider a life of steam
If you want to escape your certain fate

Be scared or work with the machine
A fradey cat or you could shovel coal
It might be the only way
To dig yourself out of this hole

Who knows what the aliens do to those who dissent
Before you have your brains eaten by some dapper gent
Consider one way that you can fit in
With all the brainwashed idiots who love the steam engine

Be a corpse or be a train driver
Turned inside out or be an engineer
They could fire their death rays whenever they want
But the biggest weapon they have got is fear